Yesterday I went to the doctor to ask about options for my depression and obsessive compulsive tendencies, which have been getting worse. The only time she could see me was during my work hours, so I called in sick. At the appointment I mentioned that I’d had a migraine earlier in case that was relevant. The doctor seized on that and nothing else I said seemed to stick. She got up, saying, “I’m going to see if I have some samples…” and after a view minutes the nurse came back in with a prescription for migraine medication, and that was it. And my insurance won’t cover that particular medication, so I didn’t even fill it.
I also called a nearby clinic that offers free counseling to see if I could start seeing someone there, but nobody was answering their phones. I was told to leave a message with my counselor by pressing 1/2/etc.—unhelpful, seeing as I don’t have one yet and I was calling to see if I could get one. And I was just really frustrated because I’d done research on treatment options in my area and I thought this would be a good fit and I can’t even talk to a living person who works there about it.
Then tonight, when I went to work, my manager told me that I’d lost my holiday bonus because apparently there’s a policy about not coming in the day after a break. It’s supposed to keep people from just being like, “I don’t wanna work, wah,” and not coming in, but I had a legit doctor’s appointment and it feels really unfair. Nobody worked on Tuesday since the building was closed, but we were supposed to get paid, but now I’m not getting that because I didn’t work on Wednesday? I can understand not getting paid for Wednesday, because I didn’t work, but why take away my holiday pay?
Last time I was on medication and in therapy, it was because I was so bad that my family noticed and arranged everything for me. I’ve been worse, but I’m not doing well right now, and I’d like to get help before I get that bad again. I always thought that if I wanted help and went asking for it, it’d just be there. But it’s not. I feel like this should be easier.